I had a hard time sleeping last night.  I talked to a friend who does foster care, and she mentioned getting a call at 10pm about a child.  So I lay in bed - it was about 10 when I went to bed - panicking.  What do I do if I get a call at 10 at night?!  Or midnight?  Or 3 in the morning?  I'm not prepared for that.  I like to know what's going to happen; when it's going to happen.  And I kept thinking the phone would ring.

This morning in my reading of James, there were these verses, "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.' Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.'”

I was so struck by my "need" to know what's coming.  By my constant desire to be able to say, "Today or tomorrow..."  But that's not what God has ever called me to.  Always His call is "If the Lord wills...."

I want to hold on to that truth.  To be able to live in the now of whatever moment God has placed me in.  To remember that I have never known what my life will be like tomorrow, but that God does.  And to rest joyfully in that reality.

Love.